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Message: [QUOTE="Santa, post: 3700128, member: 11237"] [B]Melbourne Storm[/B] [ATTACH type="full"]31370[/ATTACH] The Melbourne Storm—rugby league’s cold, soulless winning machine. If the NRL was a heist movie, they’d be the crew that cheats, gets caught, but somehow still ends up rich at the end. Let’s be real, this club has never played by the rules. The salary cap? Just a *suggestion* to them. Melbourne didn’t just bend the rules; they put them in a headlock, suplexed them through a table, and still acted shocked when they got caught. When the NRL stripped their premierships, Storm fans didn’t care—they still count them like a bloke who gets banned from a casino but swears he won big before security dragged him out. And then there’s the fanbase. Oh wait—what fanbase? Melbourne loves AFL so much that even *winning premierships* can’t get people to care about the Storm. Their so-called supporters only show up when the team’s in the top four, and if they ever have a bad year (which, let’s be honest, never really happens because they exploit the system better than a dodgy accountant), their home crowd would make a cricket match look like a rock concert. If the NRL ever moved the Storm to Perth, would anyone in Melbourne even notice? Probably not. Craig Bellamy is the secret behind it all—rugby league’s angriest dad. The bloke could turn a third-string park footy player into a Dally M contender just by yelling at him. Every Storm player looks like they’ve been programmed in some underground Melbourne lab where Bellamy installs their tackling technique and removes their personality. The moment they leave the club? They forget how to play footy, like ex-Storm players have their talent repossessed the second they step outside AAMI Park. And let’s not forget their tactics—watching Melbourne play is like watching someone try to win a wrestling match inside a rugby league game. Every tackle lasts five minutes, every play-the-ball is slower than a dial-up internet connection, and every season, the NRL makes a new rule just to stop them from ruining the sport for everyone else. They’re like that one guy in a video game who finds a broken strategy and just spams it until the developers are forced to patch it. Now they’re in the post-Smith, Slater, and Cronk era, and it’s starting to show. Cameron Munster is meant to be their new leader, but half the time he looks like he’s just woken up in a dumpster behind a Gold Coast nightclub. Jahrome Hughes was a fullback until Bellamy slapped a "halfback" sticker on him and called it a day, and Harry Grant is still trying to work out if he’s the next Cameron Smith or just a bloke who peaked too early. Meanwhile, Xavier Coates has all the speed in the world but the finishing ability of a blindfolded golfer, and Ryan Papenhuyzen spends more time in rehab than on the field. The Storm aren’t rebuilding, they’re just throwing random pieces together and praying Bellamy can scream them into a premiership. In the end, Melbourne is like a rogue AI—efficient, emotionless, and incapable of failure. They don’t play rugby league; they *solve* it. But no matter how many times they win, they’ll always be that club that had to cheat just to keep up. And deep down, every Storm fan knows it. [/QUOTE]

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