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Message: [QUOTE="Santa, post: 3700686, member: 11237"] [B]Parramatta Eels[/B] [ATTACH type="full"]31439[/ATTACH] The Parramatta Eels—the NRL’s answer to a mid-life crisis. Every single season, they roll in with the same delusional energy as a bloke buying a sports car to save his failing marriage. “This is our year!” they chant, only to inevitably crash and burn like clockwork. It’s honestly impressive how a team can be this consistently disappointing for nearly *four decades*. Since 1986, we’ve seen five different Australian Prime Ministers, the rise and fall of Blockbuster, and the invention of the internet—but no new Eels premierships. Kids born the last time Parra won a title are now old enough to have mortgages and back pain. This team has spent so much time rebuilding, you’d think they were a Bunnings franchise. And yet, every year, they act like they’re one good signing away from glory. Speaking of players, let’s address the elephant in the room—Clint Gutherson finally bailed. The so-called “King” of Parramatta has left the castle for the Dragons, which is like moving out of a haunted house into a burning one. But hey, I get it. Even *he* got sick of leading this pack of underachievers. The guy spent years trying to carry this team, only for them to collapse the moment the pressure got real. Now, he gets to watch from Wollongong while Parra fans try to convince themselves that Dylan Brown is suddenly going to become an elite playmaker. Spoiler alert: he won’t. And let’s talk about the 2022 grand final—aka, the single biggest waste of a grand final appearance in modern history. Eels fans spent all week talking about “breaking the drought” only to get absolutely steamrolled by Penrith. It wasn’t just a loss; it was a full-blown public humiliation. The game was basically over before halftime, and by the end, even Parra fans were turning off their TVs in disgust. The Panthers didn’t just beat them; they turned them into a training drill on national television. Then there’s their recruitment strategy, which is about as well thought out as a late-night kebab order. They either lose their best players for nothing or overpay for guys who peaked in 2019. Every year, they hype up some random reserve grader as their “missing piece,” and every year, it turns out he’s just another piece of the problem. The Eels’ salary cap management is so bad it makes the Wests Tigers look like financial geniuses. And the fans—oh, the fans. You have to respect their commitment, because at this point, supporting the Eels is like being in a toxic relationship. They get their hopes up, they get let down, they swear they’re done with this team, and then next season, they’re right back at it. It’s a never-ending cycle of heartbreak. Even the Sharks, Cowboys, and Rabbitohs have broken their premiership droughts, but the Eels? Still waiting, still suffering. At this point, Parramatta isn’t an NRL team—it’s a Greek tragedy in footy form. The only thing they’ve dominated in the last 40 years is the “most false hope per capita” statistic. And unless they perform an actual miracle, I’ll see you back here next year for yet another “this is our year” failure tour. [/QUOTE]

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